I play art critic today: The Introduction

Just a short blog today.  I ran across this picture and I must say, it hits that sweet spot of fascinating, creepy, and awkward.  Yes, this is a real painting by a real artist and yes you can buy it.  The artist’s name is Nathan Greene and the name of the painting is “The Introduction”.  Find the link on your own. I can’t be responsible for you waking up your household with screams in the night.  I’m not even sure I should show it it to you.  I care about your mental health.  The picture is just below.  I’m just going to keep writing until it falls off the screen. That way, you’ll have time to decide if you’re ready for the gitchy feeling this is sure to create.

Still here?

It’s like Jesus created an Internet dating service… sort of a cross between E-Harmony and Adult Friend Finder (look it up if you must, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.)

“Meet sexy, Godly singles in your area TONIGHT!”

Still here?  Are you ready? (Ok, I’m just messing with you at this point.)

Here it is…

O

family-values

“Adam, based on the answers you gave on the questionnaire, and the values I found when I looked into your heart, I think Eve here would be a perfect match. As you can see, I have imbued here with…ample gifts. Plus she has no intention of having a career of her own…even though she has a master’s degree.”

(Please add you own caption in the comments. There will be a prize.)

What the hopping hell is going on here? This is puzzling on so many levels. Not the least of which is that it appears that they’re in the Garden of Eden, which was, before the Serpent, a clothing-discouraged kind of place. Also,why is Jesus all toga’d up? (and yes, that’s not a robe…it’s a toga…the kind of thing the folks who would eventually snuff Jesus would wear. What the hell?)

And of course, there are the animals. Animals are voyeurs now? Gawking giraffes? Maliciously monitoring monkeys? Peeking parrots?  And that tiger that’s trying to look nonchalant?  You just know he’s got the side-eye thing going on.

Words fail.  This is how Watchtower Magazine is going to go when it switches to porn.

Final note: I just found out you can put this masterpiece on layaway…just like the swells at Wal-Mart!

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2 thoughts on “I play art critic today: The Introduction

  1. This Harlequin Romance-cover Adam and Eve chilling with big cats is surprisingly common in evangelical illustrations. To wit, please see this image from the Watchtower-published “science” textbook I came across at the Bay Lines. https://instagram.com/p/V1K5Lzh_bf/ Check out the various other illustrations of oddly pedestrian post-rapture vistas and men poking electronics with sticks from the same text while you’re at it. Glory be, or what have you.

    Liked by 1 person

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