I watched a duck have a heart attack once. True story. In Florida we had lots of “lakes” that were really there for storm runoff. They were nasty, stagnant ponds. Some, like Crescent Lake were nice, but in the 70s, they were all pretty rank. But, ducks seemed to like them. Also, the retirees liked to feed them so they got really fat.*
Anyway, one big ol’ buck duck decided he needed some Daisy Duck action and proceeded to mount the apple of his eye. Daisy said, “hold on there stud…you don’t get onto this A-ticket ride with just a compliment. You need to prove yourself. To which she led him on a merry chase around the “lake”. She’d stop, he’d waddle with his little duck dick hanging out (Really…disgusting, horrifying…yes, really) and ZOOM, she’d be off again. This went on for about 30 minutes until she seemed to say, “ok lover…you look like you got the goods. Hop on.” He did hop on in a sort of panting duck fashion and proceed to make his contribution to the continuance of the species. Just then he stopped…looked up…and fell over like a felled tree. Dead. Daisy looked him over, did the duck version of “meh” and went off to seek another duck with which to fulfill the biological imperative.
One hour later an alligator ate the duck’s corpse.
I was only 12 at the time. Had I been older I might have understood a little more about the nature of relationships.
*I learned today that the ducks were Muscovy ducks…which don’t so much run to fat, but absolutely sprint to it. Kind of like truck driver ducks.